If your child comes to you because a bully is bothering him, you need to pay close attention to the problem. The worst thing you can do is ignore it. Too often parents feel children and teens need to ‘work things out’ on their own. While your child does need to develop his social skills by doing things independently, being victimized by a bully is not a social skill one needs to learn. If the problem is ignored, your child’s self-esteem will become unhealthy, he will be hurt mentally or physically, and he could become a bully himself.
Here are five steps you can take if your child is having problems with a bully:
1. Believe what your child tells you. This is an important first step and will help your child trust that you are able to help him with his problem. Accept what he has to say at face value by using your active listening skills.
2. Let your child know that he is not alone. Most children have to deal with some type of bullying behavior at one time or another. Reassure your child that he is not the problem. Nothing he did caused the bully to go after him.
3. If your child is being threatened in a physical or illegal way at school, report the problem. Your child may not want you to do this, or the school may not take it seriously, but violence cannot be tolerated. If you choose not to do anything, that is what you’re teaching your child. You will need to model assertive behavior by alerting those in charge where the bullying is taking place.
4. Teach your child assertive behavior and how to ignore routine teasing. Let them know it is okay to say ‘No.’ Sometimes even friends bully, so letting your child know they can be true to their own feelings and say ‘no’ can go a long way.
5. Encourage your child not to give in to a bully. Giving up possessions or giving into a bully in anyway encourages the bully to continue. Identify ways for your child to respond to a bully - showing assertive but not aggressive behavior - and role-play them.
Other tips that will help:
• If your child is not involved in social groups, help him find some that he will enjoy and encourage him to become involved. The more social skills your child has, the easier it will be for him to stand up for himself.
• Children and teens who hang out in groups of 2 or more tend not to be picked on by bullies. Encourage friendships by allowing your teen to invite friends over or out for activities.
Archive for August 2010
What to do if your child is being bullied
Types of Bullying
Types of bullying and what it means to bully
School bullying is behavior intended to harm or disturb the victim. It can be physical, emotional or both and can occur in person, electronically, or indirectly.
Examples of physical bullying include:
Causing Physical Injuries
Stealing
Punching
Shoving
Slapping
Debagging
Wedgies
Attacking
School pranks
Teasing and abusing
Fighting
Emotional/Indirect school bullying
Examples of emotional/indirect bullying include
Spreading bad rumors about people
Keeping certain people out of a "group"
Getting certain people to "gang up" on others (It also could be considered physical bullying)
Ignoring people on purpose - the silent treatment
Harassment
Provocation
Whispering to another in front of someone - whispering campaign
Keeping secrets away from a so-called friend
Verbal Bullying
Examples of Verbal Bullying:
Teasing People in a mean way, or cussing someone
Name Calling
Commenting meanly on someone's looks, clothes, body, or anything else
Tormenting
Harassment
Profanity
Electronic bullying: (cyber-bullying)
Bullying also can happen on-line or electronically. This form of harassment is known as cyber-bullying. It occurs when someone bullies through the Internet, mobile phones or other electronic means. Examples include:
Sending mean spirited text, e-mail, or instant messages.
Posting inappropriate pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites.
Using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone.
Sexual bullying
Sexual bullying is "any bullying behaviour, whether physical or non-physical, that is based on a person’s sexuality or gender. It is when sexuality or gender is used as a weapon by boys or girls towards other boys or girls - although it is more commonly directed at girls. It can be carried out to a person’s face, behind their back or through the use of technology”.As part of its research into sexual bullying in schools, the BBC Panorama programme commissioned a questionnaire aimed at young people aged 11-19 years in schools and youth clubs across five regions of England. The survey revealed that of the 273 young people who responded to the questionnaire, 28 had been forced to do something sexual and 31 had seen it happen to someone else. Of the 273 respondents, 40 had experienced unwanted touching. From April 2008 to March 2009, ChildLine counselled a total of 156,729 children. Of these, 26,134 children spoke about bullying as a main concern and 300 of these talked specifically about sexual bullying.
Same people including the UK charity Beat bullying have climbed that children are being bullied into providing ‘sexual favours’ in exchange for protection as gang culture enters inner city schools, however other anti-bullying groups and teachers' unions including the National Union of Teachers challenged the charity to provide evidence of this as they had no evidence that this sort of behaviour was happening in schools.
What is Bullying?
What is bullying?
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person. Some ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable.
Why do some people bully?
There are many reasons why some people bully. Some people may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them , which makes them feel superior over others. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves.Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Why are some young people bullied?
There is no particular reason for some young people to be bulied, but sometimes it's because they are different in some way - perhaps it's the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size or their name. Sometimes young people are bullied because they look like they won't stand up for themselves so they bully may think they are an easy target.
Why is bullying harmful?
Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can really affect make young people it can make them feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and think there must be something wrong with them. They lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person. Some ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable.
Why do some people bully?
There are many reasons why some people bully. Some people may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them , which makes them feel superior over others. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves.Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Why are some young people bullied?
There is no particular reason for some young people to be bulied, but sometimes it's because they are different in some way - perhaps it's the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size or their name. Sometimes young people are bullied because they look like they won't stand up for themselves so they bully may think they are an easy target.
Why is bullying harmful?
Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can really affect make young people it can make them feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and think there must be something wrong with them. They lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.
